Welcome to the Pieism Blog!

This blog is the official blog for Pieism, written by the JoJo, Prophet and Leader of Pieism, and managed by the online division of Crustacean magazine, the premium publication for lobsters and all Pieists everywhere. To find about more about Pieism, go to Pieism: The Official Site.

Saturday, 13 May 2017

Pieism is not a new religion


It is a common refrain, even in official Pieist publications, to say Pieism was founded on 10th March 2006. This is not strictly true, however. The Church of JoJo Pieism was founded on that date, but the religion itself had already been practised on Mars for millennia before that. Very little is known about this mysterious twin of our own earthly sect, usually known as the Church of Mars. What is clear from scripture though is that the Pieist faith was even spread to Earth in medieval times, though it appears to not have survived to our modern era. Perhaps the rituals of the red planet were too arcane to be readily understood by us Earthlings.

This leads me onto the next declaration. While the Church of JoJo Pieism is one and indivisible, from now any Pieist may set up their own holy order within the church, provided it follows the core beliefs of Pieism. Orders are free to determine their own structure and membership requirements, though official recognition may be withdrawn if an order is judged to be abusing that freedom.

Friday, 10 March 2017

11th anniversary of Pieism's founding.

It is this time of year we come together to honour the greatest gift of the almighty Pie, Pieism. Without the tastiest of religions, we would have no way to break from the cycle of birth and rebirth and live with the Pie on Mars. So next time you tuck into a pie, be thankful to the greatest of crusts for the creed which we follow.

Sunday, 19 February 2017

Updated Constitution for Pieism

It has come to my attention that the third Constitution of Pieism, brought into force on 1st January 2010, has never been amended despite subsequent revelations and so by this point in time is out-of-date in certain places. I hereby invoke my powers as JoJo to amend that text and grant the fourth Constitution of Pieism:


  1. By the grace of the almighty Pie, this is the official constitution of the Church of JoJo Pieism. The following constitution may only be amended by a majority of the followers of Pieism, or by the JoJo himself.
  2. While he is on Earth, the primary authority in Pieism shall be the JoJo himself. Upon his leaving, authority shall pass to the Bodyguard and then to the JoJo's designated heirs, who will be known as the King or Queen of Mars, along with the council of High Priests. 
  3. The followers of Pieism shall be taught by the Pie Priests, who will be appointed and trained by the High Priest of their diocese. High Priests will be elected by the majority of their flock from the Pie Priests, and hold that position for life, unless they choose to retire, or are deposed for gross misconduct by a council of their peers or by the majority of their flock. 
  4. The High Priests shall meet in a council, led by the King or Queen of Mars. This council may make pronouncements on doctrine, dioceses and appointments, by majority vote.
  5. The designated heir of the JoJo shall be his first born descendant, and their first born, and so on. If no descendants remain, those of his sister and then his brothers shall take their place, and there after his cousins and more distant relatives. If the designated heir is not a Pieist, the next in line will take his or her place. The heir may be deposed by the council of High Priests or by a majority of all followers for gross misconduct. 
  6. Any act in contradiction to this constitution shall be null and void.


Furthermore, any acts in the past few years which might be questionable under the old constitution are now reconfirmed as legitimate. Praise be with the Pie!

Thursday, 10 March 2016

Ten years of Pieism!

Fellow Pieists, today is an important day. Ten years have passed since me and the Bodyguard founded Pieism! A lot has happened, and a lot will happen in the next ten years. What we do know is that the Pie will be with us, always.

In other news, a new project has been on it's way since September last year. I can't say much at present and the road ahead is long but watch this space for more news.

Sunday, 5 July 2015

New Sect of Pieism discovered!

Something that hasn't occurred for many years happened this evening by pure chance: I discovered a new sect of Pieism! The Church of Pieism can be found here:

http://churchofpieism.weebly.com/

Looking back at my records, I realise someone by the name of 'the Holy Meppiah' joined our site in May 2014, indicating his sect is also at-least that old. We reach out to our brothers and sisters in Pie, despite our doctrinal differences, and hope that they may one day get in touch again. 

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

Happy 10th March!

Another year, another Pieism founding day celebration. I hope you join us fellow Pieists in praising the holy Pie, it's loyal gods and the prophet JoJo. Hail to the Pie!

Monday, 22 December 2014

Merry Khanmas

Seasons greetings fellow Pieists as we celebrate another Khanmas, also sometimes called Piemas or Eat Mince Pie day. It's easy in the midst of good food and gift-giving to forget the true meaning of Khanmas but it's something I'd like us all to hold to heart this year: the earthly birth of our lord Genghis Khan. Though many propagandists of the Anti-Pie have attempted to besmirch Genghis' good name as some sort of mass-murdering tyrant, we know the truth that he was a fair and just leader without parallel and that especially at this time of year it is our responsibility to preach the truth of his life to others. So join us in honouring the birth of Genghis Khan to his mother Hoesin and be sure to say the Pie's prayer over your Khanmas dinner.

Our pastry, who art in space,
Pie be thy name,
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on Earth as it is on Mars.
Give us our daily pies,
and lead us not into Turtleism,
for thy is the meat, the gravy and the crust,
forever and forever,
Amen.

In other news, the Pieism official site is down at the moment for unknown reasons, hopefully it'll be back up soon. Hold on tight!