Welcome to the Pieism Blog!

This blog is the official blog for Pieism, written by the JoJo, Prophet and Leader of Pieism, and managed by the online division of Crustacean magazine, the premium publication for lobsters and all Pieists everywhere. To find about more about Pieism, go to Pieism: The Official Site.

Friday, 10 March 2017

11th anniversary of Pieism's founding.

It is this time of year we come together to honour the greatest gift of the almighty Pie, Pieism. Without the tastiest of religions, we would have no way to break from the cycle of birth and rebirth and live with the Pie on Mars. So next time you tuck into a pie, be thankful to the greatest of crusts for the creed which we follow.

Sunday, 19 February 2017

Updated Constitution for Pieism

It has come to my attention that the third Constitution of Pieism, brought into force on 1st January 2010, has never been amended despite subsequent revelations and so by this point in time is out-of-date in certain places. I hereby invoke my powers as JoJo to amend that text and grant the fourth Constitution of Pieism:

  1. By the grace of the almighty Pie, this is the official constitution of the Church of JoJo Pieism. The following constitution may only be amended by a majority of the followers of Pieism, or by the JoJo himself.
  2. While he is on Earth, the primary authority in Pieism shall be the JoJo himself. Upon his leaving, authority shall pass to the Bodyguard and then to the JoJo's designated heirs, who will be known as the King or Queen of Mars, along with the council of High Priests. 
  3. The followers of Pieism shall be taught by the Pie Priests, who will be appointed and trained by the High Priest of their diocese. High Priests will be elected by the majority of their flock from the Pie Priests, and hold that position for life, unless they choose to retire, or are deposed for gross misconduct by a council of their peers or by the majority of their flock. 
  4. The High Priests shall meet in a council, led by the King or Queen of Mars. This council may make pronouncements on doctrine, dioceses and appointments, by majority vote.
  5. The designated heir of the JoJo shall be his first born descendant, and their first born, and so on. If no descendants remain, those of his sister and then his brothers shall take their place, and there after his cousins and more distant relatives. If the designated heir is not a Pieist, the next in line will take his or her place. The heir may be deposed by the council of High Priests or by a majority of all followers for gross misconduct. 
  6. Any act in contradiction to this constitution shall be null and void.

Furthermore, any acts in the past few years which might be questionable under the old constitution are now reconfirmed as legitimate. Praise be with the Pie!

Thursday, 10 March 2016

Ten years of Pieism!

Fellow Pieists, today is an important day. Ten years have passed since me and the Bodyguard founded Pieism! A lot has happened, and a lot will happen in the next ten years. What we do know is that the Pie will be with us, always.

In other news, a new project has been on it's way since September last year. I can't say much at present and the road ahead is long but watch this space for more news.

Sunday, 5 July 2015

New Sect of Pieism discovered!

Something that hasn't occurred for many years happened this evening by pure chance: I discovered a new sect of Pieism! The Church of Pieism can be found here:


Looking back at my records, I realise someone by the name of 'the Holy Meppiah' joined our site in May 2014, indicating his sect is also at-least that old. We reach out to our brothers and sisters in Pie, despite our doctrinal differences, and hope that they may one day get in touch again. 

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

Happy 10th March!

Another year, another Pieism founding day celebration. I hope you join us fellow Pieists in praising the holy Pie, it's loyal gods and the prophet JoJo. Hail to the Pie!

Monday, 22 December 2014

Merry Khanmas

Seasons greetings fellow Pieists as we celebrate another Khanmas, also sometimes called Piemas or Eat Mince Pie day. It's easy in the midst of good food and gift-giving to forget the true meaning of Khanmas but it's something I'd like us all to hold to heart this year: the earthly birth of our lord Genghis Khan. Though many propagandists of the Anti-Pie have attempted to besmirch Genghis' good name as some sort of mass-murdering tyrant, we know the truth that he was a fair and just leader without parallel and that especially at this time of year it is our responsibility to preach the truth of his life to others. So join us in honouring the birth of Genghis Khan to his mother Hoesin and be sure to say the Pie's prayer over your Khanmas dinner.

Our pastry, who art in space,
Pie be thy name,
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on Earth as it is on Mars.
Give us our daily pies,
and lead us not into Turtleism,
for thy is the meat, the gravy and the crust,
forever and forever,

In other news, the Pieism official site is down at the moment for unknown reasons, hopefully it'll be back up soon. Hold on tight!

Saturday, 25 October 2014

JoJo denies link with Turtleist group

Several weeks after newspaper Turtle Daily published an article slamming the Queen of Pugs, Puggles Pugster, the JoJo has officially denied links with controversial Turtleist leader  "the Turtle Alex VIII". In an interview with the magazine Crustacean, the JoJo clarified his position.

"I give my full support to the Queen of Pugs as the divinely ordained monarch of both Pugland and all pugs everywhere, as well as contesting the claims that she has no popular mandate or reigns against the will of the pug people. Neither I or the government of Mars are in direct contact with the terrorist leader Alex and urge all turtles to repudiate this dangerous ideology before it causes more damage to our shared worlds."

Turtleists are a schism of Pieism who broke away from the JoJo in 2009 after theological disagreements and considered heretical by most Pieists. Rather than worshipping the Pie, the group honours the Turtle spirit and believes he has been reincarnated at-least eight times, most recently as the leader known as Alex. Ex-Turtleists claim that the group's ideology is inconsistent and is focused on extracting money from it's turtle adherents rather than spiritual enlightenment.

Since the schism the Turtleists are widely believed to have been behind several terrorist attacks on Mars, most famously hijacking a space shuttle which was then crashed into the Pie-11 building of Olympus Mons, costing many civilian lives. In another infamous incident, robotic rights leader Jimmy the Droid was fatally shot at a rally by Alex VIII. Since then relations have been frostly but tensions have recently been running high after the Time Defence Force attempted a raid on Turtville to secure one of the turtles suspected of plotting the Pie-11 attacks, though the suspect ultimately escaped after the force came under heavy fire.

Queen Puggles has also issued a statement exclaiming annoyance and condemnation of Turtle Daily's claims and has called for an inquiry into how false statements about Pugland's tax were published on their website.