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This blog is the official blog for Pieism, written by the JoJo, Prophet and Leader of Pieism, and managed by the online division of Crustacean magazine, the premium publication for lobsters and all Pieists everywhere. To find about more about Pieism, go to Pieism: The Official Site.

Saturday, 25 October 2014

JoJo denies link with Turtleist group

Several weeks after newspaper Turtle Daily published an article slamming the Queen of Pugs, Puggles Pugster, the JoJo has officially denied links with controversial Turtleist leader  "the Turtle Alex VIII". In an interview with the magazine Crustacean, the JoJo clarified his position.

"I give my full support to the Queen of Pugs as the divinely ordained monarch of both Pugland and all pugs everywhere, as well as contesting the claims that she has no popular mandate or reigns against the will of the pug people. Neither I or the government of Mars are in direct contact with the terrorist leader Alex and urge all turtles to repudiate this dangerous ideology before it causes more damage to our shared worlds."

Turtleists are a schism of Pieism who broke away from the JoJo in 2009 after theological disagreements and considered heretical by most Pieists. Rather than worshipping the Pie, the group honours the Turtle spirit and believes he has been reincarnated at-least eight times, most recently as the leader known as Alex. Ex-Turtleists claim that the group's ideology is inconsistent and is focused on extracting money from it's turtle adherents rather than spiritual enlightenment.

Since the schism the Turtleists are widely believed to have been behind several terrorist attacks on Mars, most famously hijacking a space shuttle which was then crashed into the Pie-11 building of Olympus Mons, costing many civilian lives. In another infamous incident, robotic rights leader Jimmy the Droid was fatally shot at a rally by Alex VIII. Since then relations have been frostly but tensions have recently been running high after the Time Defence Force attempted a raid on Turtville to secure one of the turtles suspected of plotting the Pie-11 attacks, though the suspect ultimately escaped after the force came under heavy fire.

Queen Puggles has also issued a statement exclaiming annoyance and condemnation of Turtle Daily's claims and has called for an inquiry into how false statements about Pugland's tax were published on their website. 

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a load of rubbish to me! Classic claptrap from the real terrorists! DOWN WITH THE PIE! LONG LIVE THE TURTLE!

Anonymous said...

Totally agree! FREE MARS FROM THE PIE TERROR!

Anonymous said...

Disgusted by this post! THE PIES DAYS ARE LIMITED! SOON THE TRUE LEADER, OUR TURTLE, WILL PREVAIL

Anonymous said...

Here here!

Anonymous said...

Obvious lies from the pie himself! VIVA LA TURTLE!

Anonymous said...

Can't believe the solid lack of proof here! DISGUSTING!

Anonymous said...

This website should be shutdown! THE PIE WILL DIE!

Anonymous said...

No one actually believes this do they?!

Anonymous said...

The pie seems to think of turtleism as a turtle only religion! What a fool! Turtists of all species; from humans to squid, dogs to birds, unite!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm a clownfish!

Anonymous said...

I'm a human!

Heart the Lobster said...

What the Jupiter are all these troll comments? You are all paid Turtleists, everyone knows you are just angry for Crustacean magazine disproving your lies about the Pie!

Turtle said...

I AM GOD LOL U WILL DIE M8

1 ON 1 ME

U SUCK