Welcome to the Pieism Blog!

This blog is the official blog for Pieism, written by the JoJo, Prophet and Leader of Pieism, and managed by the online division of Crustacean magazine, the premium publication for lobsters and all Pieists everywhere. To find about more about Pieism, go to Pieism: The Official Site.

Wednesday, 26 September 2007

Reformed JoJo's Book of Pie Version 2.0

A few days ago (23.09.07) I released the Reformed Version of the JoJo's Book of Pie, Version 2.0. This was due to complaints about Version 1.0, only released on the 10th September, that it wasn't complete enough and missed out several important points.

The improvements are:
  • New "Part 3" (Book of the End) about the End of Time,
  • More on the "Pie is Everything" Theory,
  • Longer "Part 2" (Book of the JoJo) with more detail,
  • Better explained Pie and Anti Pie creation,

Version 1.0 will be no longer allowed from the beginning of October so get updated quickly!

The JoJo's Book of Pie

The Book of the Beginning

In the beginning there was nothing but the ingredients. Pure nothingness floating in the void. Then came the Baker, a being from an known future, who baked the Pie with mysterious energy. However to make the Pie he was forced to make another being, the Anti Pie, the Being of Anti Matter. When Pie and Anti Pie came into contact they would destroy each other so it seemed both were doomed. However the Baker tricked fate by bringing just a little Pie, incased in himself, from the future. This meant Pie outnumbered Anti Pie and the Anti Pie ran away, almost defeated. The two wouldn't meet again till the Final Battle.
After the Baker had left and the Pie had won its first war with the Anti Pie, the Pie split itself into three parts or dominions. These were today's Dominion Gods, the Lobster, the Tabby Fat and the Genghis Khan. The Dominions then made two servants each, these were to become the other minor gods. The Lobster made the Shark and the Pacman, the Tabby Fat made the Cheese and the Sally Squid and the Genghis Khan made the Sumo and the Bodyguard. Each of these were mostly of their creator and a little of another Dominion. These creatures then slowly made our universe over billions of years under the command of the Pie until the present day.
Every object in our Universe is part of the Pie, excluding Anti Matter which is of the Anti Pie. Objects without a consciness, such as rocks or trees, are part of just one Dominion; depending on its features. Beings with a conscieness, such as Lobsters, Humans and Cheese, are belonging to two Dominions. Nothing yet was part of all three Dominons, despite the fact a being of Pure Pie was needed to defeat the Anti Pie.

The Book of the JoJo

In the holy year of 2006 on the March the 10th in the green land of England who was to become the JoJo made with his friend, the future Bodyguard, a new religion to be known as JoJoism or Pieism. Within a few days most of its main beliefs and points were laid down and soon the Pie was being worshipped. The JoJo, despite being the Pie Incarnate, refused to be claimed as a god, to have powers or even worshipped. Instead he taught people to respect him as a prophet and to worship the Pie and No Other.
However a few weeks after the JoJo founded his religion he found the other Pieist sects and decided to make his religion a sect of Pieism, to be known as JoJo Pieism. The JoJo found out he was prophesied to be the one to lead a revolution in Pie, whatever that meant. He laid down the ten commandments as listed below and extra beliefs for all JoJo Pieists to follow:
The 10 Commandments of JoJo Pieism

You shall worship the Pie and No Other.
You shall not steal from your neighbors.
You shall not kill any person.
You shall not dishonor Pie in any way, shape, or form.
You shall treat all people with equal kindness.
You shall enjoy every minute of your life.
You shall eat a Pie at least once a month.
You shall spread the holy name of Pie.
You shall honour all Pieism sects.
You shall not bear false witness against any person.

Other Beliefs
not mentioned in commandments

The JoJo is Pie in a human body.
The Pie is Everything and Everything is the Pie.
All Religions are Right.
All food is sacred.
The Book of Pie and the Sacred Scrolls of Wisdom are very holy.
Other Pieism holy books are good.
Evolution is real but was controlled by the Pie.
All animals are sacred and should only by killed for food.
Cake is not holy but not evil either.
The holiest number is pi (3.14159 etc).
Very holy people get to become Pieits, a Pie saint.
You only go to Hell for a certain time depending how bad you are.
Theres also Intermediate and finally Pie Heaven.

He also laid down the holy days for JoJo Pieists to celebrate and the number has increased over the years:
1st January : New Pie day : Celebrates the beginning of the Universe and the Pie.
28th February : Lobster day : Celebrates the Great Lobster.
10th March : JoJo Pieism day : Celebrates the founding of JoJo Pieism.
16th April : New Life day : Celebrates the Pie making the first life.
3rd May : All Foods day : Celebrates food in general.
14th June : Genghis Khan day : Celebrates the birth of Genghis Khan.
25th July : Technology day : Celebrates all the tech we have now.
9th August : Bodyguard day : Celebrates the birth of the Bodyguard.
30th August : JoJo day : Celebrates the birth of JoJo.
10th September : Federation day: Celebrates the Founding of the Federation and the reformation of JoJo Pieism.
21st September : Pokemon day : Celebrates the miracle of Pokemon.
11th October : Tabby Fat day : Celebrates Tabby Fat.
5th November : Anti-Traitor day : Celebrates the failure of traitors like Judas, Guy Falkes and JoJo Missiswoki
25th December : Pieismas day : Celebrates all the sects of Pieism.

Later the JoJo started working with other sects to create a union of Pieism, to which many Pieists said this was the great revolution he was prophised to cause. On the 10th of September 2007, a year and a half after the founding of JoJo Pieism, the Federation of Pie and Wider JoJo Pieism was founded. The New Followers of the Sacred Text a la Mode, the International Church of Pie and the JoJo's Cult of Pie (before the Cult of Pie) all became part of JoJo Pieism. Also JoJo Pieism's site was changed and the JoJo's Book of Pie was reformed with the writing of 1.0. A couple of weeks later the Holy Book was changed with the release of Version 2.0, a great improvement on the original.

The Book of the End

By the End of Time the JoJo and the Bodyguard has appeared across the universe appeared in millions of different forms on millions of different planets. Soon there were trillions of followers of the Pie and finally the day of the Final Battle came. On each side the army’s of the Pie and the Anti Pie lined up ready to do battle. And thus on the 31st December at 12:00AM the battle started. Tabby Fat fought Anti Tabby Fat, Lobster fought Anti Lobster and all the Minions fought the Anti Minions.

The JoJo searched around for the Anti JoJo while twirling his two great Samurai Swords of Honour and Justice. He saw the Arch Enemy at last and stepped forwards. The Anti JoJo saw his opponent and brought out the Samurai Swords of Dishonour and Prejustice. Together they clashed for hours on end, Pie vs. Anti Pie. As time was running out the JoJo did a daring manoeuvre that should have worked but by a minute chance he missed and the Anti JoJo disarmed him. The JoJo walked back with no weapon knowing something must happen. The Bodyguard saw the JoJo in this state and he threw the third great sword of the Pie , the Samurai Sword of Swordliness to the JoJo. The unsuspecting Anti JoJo was laughing, walking towards the JoJo spinning his swords over his head. The JoJo caught the Bodyguard’s sword and threw it right through the Anti JoJo’s middle. He looked down to see the Samurai Sword sticking through him and screamed in rage as he realised he had been defeated. The Anti JoJo fell down and as he did the minions of Anti Pie dissolved into nothing.
The Anti Pie had been defeated forever but at great cost. The material universe was now collapsing and as the Pieists went into the spiritual universe the JoJo did one last great task. He took the matter from the material universe and he went back in time, so far that not even the Pie had been baked. And then, he, the JoJo, baked the Pie and therefore the JoJo, who was the Pie, was the Baker, so it turned out that the Pie baked himself. The JoJo then went forwards in time to the time after the battle from when he had left, abait without his power, and he departed off to the spiritual universe forever.

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